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Okay so you know the situation. Your characters are about to set out on foot for an epic journey. You want your readers to understand just how long and grueling this task will be. You want them to be able to imagine every drop of sweat, every blister, every pee break night camped out under the stars. So you sit down to calculate how backbreaking this journey will be. After five minutes of earnest trying you spend fifteen more minutes becoming red-faced and irrationally angry. Ain’ t so easy is it?

So what do you do? You say something like:

Horatio set off on a journey of many miles. His path was long and winding blah blah blah.

I’m sorry but you gave up. I understand why you gave up but still…

Or maybe you went halfway but forgot about certain rules involving time and space. For example maybe you wrote something like:

Hunky Savestheday put boot to earth, braving fifty miles of blinding snow. All through the night he plodded, exhausted and shivering, and by morning he had arrived. 

Really? Fifty miles… on foot… overnight? Maybe your story is set in a universe with cold fusion rocket boots but chances are you just didn’t do the work. The math is off and it messes with readers’ minds. At least readers like me.

Fear not! Your treacherous path can be decoded rather simply using a little tool developed by a runner.

Gmaps Pedometer Example

Gmaps Pedometer is a website using the Google Maps platform that allows runners to plot their routes along streets, hiking paths, really anywhere feet are allowed. The program automatically conforms to the bends in the road and records the distance as you add to your desired route. It uses a latitude/longitude based algorithm to accurately supply the distance for any path you can dream up. The last step is to divide your distance by the walking/running/biking/horseback riding/… speed of your character’s and *poof * you have an accurate time frame for your character’s arduous trek. A quick web search will give you average figures for walking speed ranging from 2.5 to 4 miles per hour.

And for those of you writing a Steampunk bicycle western (that’s gotta be a thing right?) there is a cycling function that steers your chosen path along only bike-worthy routes.

So now dear reader you have been equipped. Go forth before your characters go forth and make that journey accurate.

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Right now, in my head, Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries” is playing at full volume. The sepia clouds are rushing past my leather goggles and I’m steering my bi-plane toward the target. I can hear the enemy bullets buzzing past the fuselage and beginning to shred the fabric of my wings. It’s no use though. I’m going through with my mission. I release my payload and feel a mix of fear and exhilaration as the bomb whistles toward the ground. As I circle back toward home the explosion bucks my plane and a wall of heat and flame rises before me. I gun the throttle, scarf wrapped around my set jaw and as I soar  through the flames battered, singed, and fulfilled. “Finally”, I think to myself, “It’s dropped.”

 Trumpets, fireworks, the applause of a thousand hands, the roar of lions, the splash of killer whales with laser beams attached to their fins, the rush of fighter jets as they paint the URL in the sky with colored smoke. Oh yes, oh yes, it’s here. It’s finally here.

Wait, what? You don’t know why I’m dancing around my apartment like a drunk orangutan in a party hat? Well, let me educate you madame and/or sir. This here is my brand new, freshly minted, climate controlled writing blog.

<Crickets and an awkward glance toward the back button on your browser> Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.

I get it. I understand. You’re wondering why you should care? Why should you add this blog to your list of must-read material. Well, here is what you can expect.

  • Insights into the life of an author trying to get his novel published for the first time in all its confusing, white knuckle glory.
  • Writing Resources- Any time I run across some choice bit of writing wisdom, useful tool, or anything worthwhile to you fellow writers, I’ll pass the links or info along to you.
  • Writing – Actual examples of my actual writing for your actual reading pleasure.
  • Randomness – I love to learn and I have a passion for the bizarre. My head is full of so many ideas and questions, I feel it’s only polite to share.

Wheeeeeee! BOOM! KAPESCHEW! KAPESCHEW! Dinosaur roar!

Okay, okay, lets get serious for a second. Above all else this blog is aimed at two simple things. Keeping you entertained and making you think. What do you say? Come on. You can’t help it. You know you want to subscribe.