Entry 43.1.53 – 11/18/2013

Oh happy day Gerald!

When you arrived at the office today Carol was nowhere to be found. Isn’t that odd? She is usually so punctual. One of her only professional practices. Her office was totally empty. Gone were the plethora of gaudy trifles representing her shallow life. The bowling trophy, the framed picture of her rodent of a dog with that pink bow on its yappy little head. That dog had been such a bother. At least until it stopped yelping. Even the cheap Cesar’s Palace coin cup that held her pens was gone.

About an hour into the day HR Sandra gathered us all in a conference room to make an announcement. The usual death march was taken up by the office insects as they made their way toward what they suspected to be another mindless training workshop.

“Everyone, I have some sad news”, said HR Sandra. “After serving as our manager for three years Carol has decided to move on from her position. Effective immediately.” (more…)

Entry 43.1.51 – 11/16/2013

Gerald, You wont believe the perversions you saw today. It was horrible. It was grotesque. It was wrong. An abuse. A flagrant violation of the laws of our company, our society, and our decency.

This morning at around 10:15am you crossed the office from your desk toward the filthy office kitchenette for another mug of coffee. As usual you were feeding your gluttony and as usual you hugged the exterior wall around the office. The dated almond color of it makes you depressed. You know that route is slower but it keeps you from snaking through the gray cubicle maze filled with the conversation traps and question pitfalls you call coworkers.

In front of you, a sound leaked from the supply closet. A strange knocking sound coupled with toppling boxes of what must have been paper clips. At first you honestly thought we had rats. That pestilence had plagued you and Momma in our previous homes and it had always been your job to set the traps and deal with them afterward. Instinctively, you hurried to the dingy beige closet door and flung it open to investigate. To fix problems. (more…)

Entry 43.1.35 – 10/31/2013

 

Oh Gerald today was such a good day. Of course it being a good day had nothing to do with work. Quite the opposite actually. Work today was as work is each day. Carol continues to monitor you. That consists of her asking you questions that have no bearing on your job and making demands that you can’t possibly meet thanks to Tom.

You say, “Carol, I’ve tried to explain that there is no way for me to compile, interpret, and report on our sales data until Tom gives me the data he’s collected.”

You want to say that but of course you don’t.

“Don’t make waves bigger than you can swim in”, Momma always used to say.

So what actually comes out is nothing. Your little tortoise head gets pulled inside your little tortoise shell and you weather the assault. You hunker down and endure the siege. The sharp staccato of her imprecise, insulting and often misused words. The the biological warfare that is her mix of coffee breath and perfume. That purple cloud of Shalimar. Important women used to wear Shalimar and she wants to be a grown up too. She is in her forties after all.

No. Today was a good day because you finished a project. Momma used to say you are a man of many talents. She also used to say, “A jack of all trades is a master of none”. Well you feel like you’ve at least mastered two or three of your hobbies. Today’s finished project is a masterpiece if you do say so yourself. (more…)