A NaNoWriMo Conspiracy Theory

Shhhh! Hey, whoa, wait just a second. Put the tin foil hat back on. THEY might be able to read our thoughts.

No, Stop. Too much eye contact with your screen. I need you to read this but not actually look like you’re reading this. THEY might see you.

Who’s THEY? Are you kidding? Only the most powerful group in the entire writing world during the month of November.

Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you? Fine, I’m talking about the Sacred Order of NaNoWriMo.

Shhh! Do not repeat that name.


What? Yeah, sure, I hear you. “But NaNoWriMo is a great thing,” you say. “It gets people everywhere to give their stories to the world. It helps new writers get serious and finally produce that novel they’ve been dying to write.”

Does it? Does it really?


Let’s look at the facts.

Fact: NaNoWriMo demands that its participants complete a 50,000 word manuscript in one months time.

Fact: 50,000 words is a barely passable word count for YA novels. It’s not even in the ball park for adult fiction unless the book is absolutely brilliant. (Your’s is most likely not.)


Don’t you see? NaNoWriMo is a global conspiracy to flood the literary world with short, unsellable novels in an attempt to stifle competition. This ensures that their own efforts will stand out as superior and will garner all sales. THEY need you out of the way so THEY can maintain their domination over all things ink and paper. Even E Ink!

What? What’s that you say? “NaNoWriMo doesn’t state that 50,000 words is the limit. It’s actually just the minimum. You can make your book as long as you like. It’s also just a rough draft which is sure to grow and change.”

No, but THEY…What about… Fine don’t believe me.

Where’s my foil hat.


{Disclaimer: This is of course a work of fiction and I would never seriously imply that my statements are at all true. THEY absolutely did not threaten to erase all of my manuscripts and control my mind if I didn’t add this disclaimer. Nope, THEY never said that.}

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